Took a long break from writing and sharing because there has just been too much in my brain for the past 6 months to communicate. There are so many changes in our life and our world here in the US and I didn’t quite know how to share it all in between all these crazy current events. But we will come to that soon. Be on the lookout. I am also decorating for fall so be on the lookout for a blog post with my favorite things for that as well.
I wrote most of this out in my journal the other day and it reminded me of when you got in trouble at school and had to write the same phrase over and over again on the whiteboard lol. Something about repetition really sinks a thing into our brain. I thought I would share it here for anyone else who is not feeling ready for what today or tomorrow holds.
If I fail, I will be loved.
If it sucks, I will be loved.
If I’m stupid, I will be loved.
If I don’t get it all done, I will be loved.
If I look like an idiot, I will be loved.
If I have to try again, I will be loved.
If I fail, there is more grace still.
If it sucks, there is more grace still.
If I’m stupid, there is still MORE grace.
If I don’t get it all done, there is still more grace.
If I show up and nothing changes.
If nothing goes like I’m dreaming or seeing in my head.
If I lose control of my environment.
If the whole world goes to crap.
If my effort goes unnoticed and unrewarded.
You will be there waiting for me. You are not going anywhere.
p.s. grammar people (of which I am one) I know those aren’t complete sentences. It’s ok.
Lately I have been feeling like a runner who decided to climb a mountain with no training lol. It is not the same. Every step up is grueling and scary and exhausting and I don’t know what I’m doing. This is not like running. When you run, you can’t really see the end and somehow that feels easier bc you can keep telling yourself “just a little bit further probably”. I can see the top of this mountain and it looks impossibly far away. It looks IMPOSSIBLE.
If he gave me a vast plain or a long path to run on, I would do just fine. I think in my own strength and routine I’ve got that consistent running thing down. But on this mountain those skills I learned while running are not holding up. What I have mastered and what became comfortable to me is no use on this giant mountain. It requires something completely different from what I was doing before – but this is that sweet spot of surrender. Surrendering my right to a little bit of glory from what I was able to do. Where I trade my glory for his glory. It’s in this sweet spot of surrender that you get to trade the mediocre for the miraculous. I don’t want to miss out on that.
In so many ways, this next season going up this mountain is going to be unlike what I have done before. So will be writing out these affirmations over and over as a reminder that even I fall off the freaking mountain, he’s not going anywhere. Worst case scenario, he’s still there.
p.s. sorry for the vagueness, all will become clear soon lol.